Out of the blues

So one way or another we all thought of it ..I mean there's always something bugs you .the way you live ,the way you are or the all kinds of possibilities that never happens to you . But to me it was like a mystery ,is it because of the disappointing things? , sadness, emptiness , loneliness.. even boredom . Anyway I kinda get it.. Thinking about suicide is a result of pretty good things , like love ,hope or nostalgia .. people who can't find love , people who l ose it , people who are tired of it . Someone once said " I don't mind for the pain ,it's the hope what kills me." , Which was sad to think of . The ones who have hope always get hurt! Like it's a rule or something . Then they lose it and it kills them that they had it,while the ones who don't have hope and don't believe in it don't get hurt cause they don't care! It is a long complicated road , but for me every time I think of suicide I take it as a challenge,I start ques...

Looking into my memories box I found a lot of stuff that I had forgot all about it , and I realized so many things too. I felt so nostalgic .. some tears come to me founding my diaries , reading them like I'm trying to figure out who is this person! seven years ago, lots of spelling mistakes and off course grammar mistakes, I was about fifteen for god's sake and I wrote my diaries in English jornalizing every thought I had back then, I mean looking at my little sister who's fifteen right now is just so weird thinking ho could she be my sister! she has nothing in her mind other than bullshit .. how was I so smart, as I or was it just my time back then , our teen time which was so important , so great to live , lots of memories lots of moments I wish I could go back to to just feel those feelings again, I tried to recognize that person writing those diaries I couldn't actually I didn't believe that was really me, lots of lyrics of songs , lists of movies to be watched...

How pure she looks, how innocent and peaceful she appears in school everyday, it bothers him so much that he can't help it but bully her and annoy her with harsh words , the weird thing was her response to that was just a smile , every time he thought he would be teasing her to become the angry victim that would do whatever he pleases, she just disappoint him with the most beautiful, calm and irresistible smile. How she does this ? how does she beat him like that every time? Is it because her family? they raised her to be so tough by being so cold ? or they were so cruel to her that she doesn't care to anyone anymore? So many questions Kevin had every night thinking about that beautiful annoying girl, Amy Grace was her name, despite her wealthy big family , Kevin was determined to annoy her and get her to be his victim no matter what. One day after a long school day, Kevin decided to have a little chat with Amy on the bus on the way back home. She was sitting in the very bac...