All kinds of Possibilities


So one way or another we all thought of it ..I mean there's always something bugs you .the way you live ,the way you are or the all kinds of possibilities that never happens to you .
But to me it was like a mystery ,is it because of the disappointing things? , sadness, emptiness , loneliness.. even boredom .
Anyway I kinda get it.. Thinking about suicide is a result of pretty good things , like love ,hope or nostalgia .. people who can't find love , people who lose it , people who are tired of it .
Someone once said " I don't mind for the pain ,it's the hope what kills me." ,
Which was sad to think of . The ones who have hope always get hurt! Like it's a rule or something . Then they lose it and it kills them that they had it,while the ones who don't have hope and don't believe in it don't get hurt cause they don't care!
It is a long complicated road , but for me every time I think of suicide I take it as a challenge,I start question myself , will I let death win? Do I still have something to do on this Earth? What if I made it to the other side? What if I missed the amazing things that will happen when I'm gone? what if there are more places in the world I've never been to where there's actual beauty? Places we've never been to.. isn't that the dream? What if I missed an incredible feeling? Or a very beautiful song? Or a very successful lovely marriage? Or a passionate beautiful kiss? What if I missed an awesome adventure? Or an interesting future where there's real peace and real freedom? What if all kinds of possibilities actually happen to me? Wouldn't suicide be such a waste of time then? Wouldn't I be a real idiot bitch who couldn't deal with hard stuff in her life and missed every beautiful thing that could have happened later?

Wrote in July ,2017

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