The worst

I remember when I was young I used to wish that I lose feelings ..more like vampires, too white and attractive enough to let it all go. I think it was because I felt so much so early, too many difficulties to take at that time of my life.
I didn't want to feel anything, I wanted to feel only rapturous. Free.
I Know now how bittersweet it is to actually embrace all, let it all come like a puzzle pieces, each piece in the right place. It's the worst to actually know how much you need this feeling but the fact that it hurts so bad pushes you away everytime to another dark place, another time of you thinking that it is really the worst to feel anything. Well, no one actually feels good about having feelings anyway, but the ultimate truth is that we all have to feel something at the end of the day, because without feelings you won't know that you're alive, as simple as that.

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