Out of the blues

Sometimes I wish I can turn myself into another living thing. Blowing wind in the winter , the breeze in the very early morning  The sun when it leaves , the sea when lovers are having their own moment by its beach  The moon when it's full looking at daughters laughter to their dads  Or maybe a tree waiting for any bird to nest on it. When i was little I used to dream about that all the time. I remember I used to imagine that I was a butterfly , or probably  a bee I don't really remember ..but I remember that I learned then to imagine myself a different being whenever I can, whenever I loose hope in this life of human me.. and with that I felt an incredible satisfying vibes that made me feel I really own the whole world. I wonder what would I learn if I was a bee?! What would I see in this world? Would I be able to feel anything if I was the wind? What would I live for if I was actually different being? 

I knew how to pose infront of him ,  I didn't feel nervous of him taking a photo of me and I knew how to pose in that moment with no effort..  I miss that feeling I had the night we met  It was the last time I felt that so beautiful feelings , rapturous , safe , glowing and I was definitely so stupid that night. It's kind of all the feelings that you always want to have forever , rewind all over again just to have that single moment of joy , when I talked with him , when I really for the first time didn't feel time .. I can not miss him more . His stupid smile , that barrier that didn't exist in our talk like we knew each other for many years, him complementing my taste of music, his cute face reactions to me talking.. I hate how much i miss it, I hate how much I miss the moment of being next to him  I hate how my heart aches each time I remember my feeling that wasn't mutual , I hate what I think of each time I remember how he didn't see me the way I see him. D...

 It's no longer the same, no longer exciting or lovely like it used to be. Talking to him was always something to look forward to for her , it was always making her happy to hear anything from him.. no one got really the point of this love,not even her. She started to be sick of helping him when he refuses to be helped every time.. he refuses to grow, refuses to face it , to face her.. instead he's pushing her away. lately he keeps her distant more and more. She has been actually in a really dark place for a while but the way she deals with it is totally different that his. She actually wants to help herself to be better and to make peace with herself. Being him like that lately makes her feel like she's nothing to him anymore, that she doesn't really make any difference for him. Perhaps if she disappear a little while and let him be. Maybe then he actually could figure something out. The fact that she misses him so much and that she really needs him to feel whole and c...

 I wasn't ever a fan of rock music, always thought it's too high for me. I didn't like the high notes or drums sound much but recently I began to like it and I actually enjoy the high sounds and that rocking voices. It's so strange to me but I like how every once in a while I attach myself to some kind of music, sometimes the pop, sometimes the classic and other days I just listen to symphonies of Bach and Mozart. Some other days I listen to Turkish , french or Spanish and Sometimes German , yeah even German!! But I really like these moods swings that involve all kinds of music. it gets weird sometimes but what i get that it is really just phases of a person's life. Life is all about a phase and music that goes with it.